I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
