I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
