I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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