a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
