She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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