Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
