yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
