I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
