Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
