I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
