i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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