i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
