Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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