I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
