Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
