You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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