it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
