She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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