Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
im holly from the hills drunk
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
