am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I want to fling myself into the sun
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
