chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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