I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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