If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Text me some of your sweat
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
