im six kinds of drunk right now
she looked like the before picture.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
