my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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