The maid of honor just puked.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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