i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
