can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
