I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
