Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
