take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
