the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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