im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
