when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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