at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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