I skipped work to stalk him.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
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