before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
