if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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