Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
