you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
