the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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