What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
