I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
