I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
