the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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