haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
we're chasing vodka with high fives
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
