I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
