But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
