I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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