Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
