Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i jhust puked up my retainher.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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