SEEEEXXX PLEASE
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
